This arrangement that I bring, each time as unique as both the gifter and the gifted. The canvas changes, the back ground once dormant, becomes vibrant with signs of life. The reds and pinks beginning to bloom, like the start of spring kissing the Earth. Tempo increases keeping time with the rising mercury at the height of summer. The heat and dampness palpable in the air. Autumn sets in with its beautiful bouquet of violets and dark somber roses of purple, blue, and black. This is a most beautiful time as we watch together the canvas fade with the changing of the leaves. Finally winter arrives, the canvas bare once again and most melancholy. Begging to be painted, to feel the kiss of spring once more. How quickly the seasons change when dealing with the canvas of your beautiful flesh. You are my masterpiece and each bouquet of bruises I give is just as beautiful as the last.
“Mother is the name of God on the lips and hearts of children.”
While this is your special day, know that you are loved and adored by those that you have given life. Those that you have raised or are raising to be thriving, prospering members of society. This love and admiration does not need a special day because it is yours all the days.
I wish you all a day of musical laughter, back cracking bear hugs, sweet innocent kisses, and most of all a day of love and joy.
Warm damp breath caressing my skin
Stinging in my hands upon impact
Heat that can only be found inside another
Closeness only known through connection
Power only experienced by Domination
Love only felt with the gift of submission
You don’t understand
You cannot see.
The powerful hold
You have on me
Your touch alone
Is all I crave
But I can’t love you
From the grave
So I have decided
To forgo death
And I live for you
With every breath
Your beauty is heaven found on Earth
The work of not one God, but many
Gods who labored intensely on your every detail
The touch of your lips
Is nothing less than the kiss of an angel
Waves of passion sent crashing through my body
Disposing of all anxiety and hatred I hold inside
I lose myself in your eyes, like two livid pools
In which both my heart and soul swim
Cleansed of sorrow and fear
Modestly you ask, how I can love you so much
My answer is simple
“Only a fool could not love perfection.”
To my American Followers… Tomorrow we as a country pay homage to what many consider to the be our nations greatest heroes. I would have to disagree.. (don’t flame yet read on first.) Let me start off by saying I am a US ARMY Infantry veteran, so I understand the sacrifices made by other men and women in the Armed Services. They are willing to leave behind those they love and the comforts of home. To take the battle to the enemy and keep the war from our homes, in order to protect our people and our way of life. They travel thousands of miles to countries many of them have no personal ties to and defend people they do not know in a culture they often don’t understand. All of this is done in the name of freedom. They say the soldier makes the ultimate sacrifice by laying down their lives so that others may live. I will take nothing away from their actions and their bravery in the face of danger.
I say instead those that make the biggest sacrifice are the loved ones left behind. The ones who do not know what is going on where the person they love is. The ones who know only what the news tells them and what little is revealed in the long awaited letters from the front. The ones who carry on in the absence of the soldier, the mothers, fathers, husbands, wives, brothers, sisters, sons, and daughters. The ones who support them when they are home, support them more when they are gone, and love them always.
Dying is easy, but living with the hole left behind in your heart, in your soul, in your life when a loved one dies, that is true heartache. The soldier may sacrifice their life, but those that love the soldier sacrifice something they love more than themselves. They are sacrificing what may be the most important thing in their world.
So I ask you while you are thanking a Veteran.. please take the time to remember and thank those that have supported and loved us. Those that made us who we are, the ones that lifted us up and made it possible for us to be strong enough to make the sacrifices we have made. The ones that feel the loss more than anyone. Because they are every bit as much hero as those of us that served, because in their own way, they served right beside us.
You have often referred to yourself as crazy or moody. I prefer to think of you as a spring day. Full of beauty but unpredictable. When the sun stops shining and the clouds roll in. I happily listen to the thunder, and watch the beauty that is still evident in the lightning.. Instead of running for cover and cursing the storm, I will always choose to laugh and dance in the rain.
Passion is confinement
My very soul imprisoned
Incarcerated longing for freedom
From my own thoughts
Hope fades to mere fantasy
My mind battling itself
Lost in a civil war
Inner child dying for a lost cause
My innocence is gone
Love is a myth and I was a fool
My trust lead only to your lies
Limbs and tongues
Love and lust
Reality and fantasy
All become one
Consumed by each other
Two bodies united
In the greatest
Of all bonds
I have thought long and hard about this over the last couple months. I am unloveable and the reason for this is simple. In order to be truly loved by anyone, you must first love yourself. I am capable of love. I have loved other people in the romantic sense. I still do love those amazing, beautiful, at times infuriating ladies. I have been in love three times in my life. I love all three of them still, because I believe that if love is real, then it is forever. The issue I have is I am unable to love myself. I know my faults, I know my flaws, I know every mistake I’ve ever made. I know the horrible things I’ve done, I live with myself day after day. But I cannot love myself. I have tried, oh how I’ve tried. So instead I take that love I cannot give myself, the forgivness I am not allowed and invest it into others. I give myself completely to them. In return I get heartache, I get to be reminded of how I am unworthy of the love of another. This is why I am alone. It’s not because I look like Sloth from “Goonies”, but because I feel ugly. In my own eyes I see the ugly inside manifested on my appearance. No amount of compliments, no amount of attention will change this. It is a cycle for me, it is my life. Someone falls in love with me quickly.. Only to fall out of love even more quickly. If they are capable of falling out of love, well then the love was not real to begin with.
So I live content in my self imposed solitary confinement. Me and my dark thoughts, me and my self destruction.